Center Ring
by Moczo
Summary: The heart-wrenching story of Vivio Takamachi and Lutecia Alpine; two young women bound by a shared destiny, yet separated by the cruel and cutthroat world of the circus industry. ... Wait, what? The circus? That can't be right. It is? Well. Huh.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This fic bears a little explaining. **

**A friend of mine on the AnimeSuki forums (his handle here is F91, check his stuff out, it's typically very good) was half-lamenting the fact that his Vivio/Lutecia fic was not contributing anything unique to the fandom; he'd been under the impression that nobody else had made one based on _ViVid_ and that turned out to not be true. So, in the spirit of helpfulness, I suggested a unique premise for him to write about. **

**"Hey," I said, "How about a fic where Vivio and Lutecia are clowns? They work for rival circuses, and are slowly drawn into a forbidden love by their mutual admiration for the fine art of clowning." At the very least, you couldn't say it wasn't unique, right? Sadly, he wasn't interested, though a small storm of comments rose up expressing a bemused half-interest in such an utterly oddball topic. **

**Now, if you've read _Uninvited Guests, _my primary _Bleach_ fic, you know that 'oddball' is sort of a specialty of mine. So I thought to myself, "Hey, I could use a nice side-story to kill my writer's block over _Infinity. _And if F91 doesn't want to write it, and people are expressing even a joking interest..."**

**So yes. This is a story about love, despair, betrayal, passion, and clowns, all set against the dark, twisted heart of the circus industry. No Magical Girls were harmed in the making of this production... although odds are good that, by the end, they'll wish they had been, if only so they could use their hospital time as an excuse to get away from me.**

**And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls! Please silence your cellphones and pagers, and please, no smoking, outside food and drink, or flash photography. It's! _Showtime_!**

**Chapter One:  
**

The arena was dark. There was light in the stands, mostly from cameras and cellphones slightly illuminating individual members of the audience, but the center was pitch black… until the spotlight shone onto a man in a glittering red suit, tall black boots, and violet hair.

The ringmaster smiled brilliantly, if somewhat unstably, and flipped a top hat onto his head with a flourish. "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! My name is Doc Scaglietti, and it is my honor to be both your ringmaster and your greeter for the evening, as you join us here under the Big Top at the world-famous Scaglietti Bros. Barnum and Bailey Circus! Welcome, one and all, to the Greatest Show on Earth!"

Blinding light flooded the arena, forcing the audience to briefly snap their eyes shut, and when they opened them again… they were in another world.

The highwire. The trapeze. Off to the side, awaiting their moments to shine, the cannon and door to the animal cages. And, of course, the all-important three rings.

The circus!

Vivio Takamachi smiled, but it lacked the wonder of the others in the crowd. To her, this was all old news; her smile was that of someone encountering something familiar and comforting. Aunt Hayate had always informed her that Doc Scaglietti was an unlikeable prat in person, but Vivio had to admit he put on a good show.

The acts began, and all were suitably dazzling... Cinque, the amazingly skilled knife thrower, sliced in half a sheet of paper laid flat on a volunteer's head without so much as parting their hair.

Wendi and Sein, the daredevil trapeze artists, flying through the air in dazzling acrobatic display.

Nove, the animal tamer, who showed absolutely no fear, nor even really respect, for a cage full of lions and tigers. She demonstrated why when one of them attempted to bite her rather than leap through a ring, and she responded by beating it into unconsciousness.

Quattro, the bitch...and yes, that was her official position. Doc Scaglietti prided himself on being a visionary pioneer on the very fore-front of Circusing, and had concieved of this entirely new act: Quattro would go out onto the floor, and pick someone at random from the audience. She would then follow that person home and ruin their life. She would unplug their alarm clocks, replace their shampoo with glue, cut the brakes in their car, kick their pets, and infect their spouses with swine flu. Nine times out of ten, this situation escalated until ending with the volunteer engaged in a life-or-death duel with their own children. It was a surprisingly popular act, for everyone but the poor sap who Quattro happened to select that night.

Vivio smiled, but this really wasn't what she was here for. The acts were good, but she had something of a bias against them; no matter how good they were, she would always feel that she'd seen better.

But then, as an extremely sad-looking man exited the left ring followed by a grinning Quattro, it happened. The roadies emerged to set up the cannon for Tre the Amazing Human Cannonball, and so they sent in something to hold the audience's attention.

They sent in the clowns. And Vivio saw her angel.

Her long, straight hair was brilliant violet; no wig, that, but the most perfect natural Clowning hair that Vivio had ever known. Her pale makeup only accentuated her beauty, her squeaky nose gleamed like a ruby in the brilliant lighting of the ring. The arc formed by her floppy shoes reminded Vivio of songbirds in flight.

Vivio blushed brilliantly. She knew she had an incredibly goofy smile on her face, and she couldn't have cared less. _She's... so perfect...!_ The enamored youth thought.

But it didn't end there; no, simple perfection of appearance would not have been enough to hold Vivio's attention. But the magnificent young clown gracing the ring, Lutecia Alpine, was far more than beautiful. There were other clowns with her, a large man and some small red-haired... thing... but they faded into the background as the act began.

The skill with which she slipped on a banana peel.

The perfect accuracy of her hurled pies.

The brutal efficiency with which she wielded her squeaky plastic mallet.

Each and every act was accomplished with grace, charm, and perfect comedic timing. Vivio felt as though she were gazing not merely upon a simple performance of excellent clowning, but upon a priceless piece of art, the work of a true and unmatched master. Lutecia was not a clown, she was a _goddess_ among clowns. She was a goddess, and Vivio was in Heaven.

Yet all good things must come to an end, and this included Vivio's stay in paradise. As Lutecia piled back into her tiny car with the other clowns and drove away, Vivio stood and left the big top. There was no need to see the rest of the acts, she'd witnessed what she came for and needed to get home before Mamas or Aunt Hayate noticed she was gone. She had rehearsal in a few hours, after all.

As she walked home, the depression set in. She didn't know why she kept coming back here... getting a glimpse of what she couldn't have only made her feel worse about herself. She couldn't help herself; Lutecia's brilliant Clowning was like a drug to her. The older girl was everything Vivio wanted and everything she wanted to _be_, all rolled up into one. And yet, coming here and seeing that perfection for herself... only served to remind her that she could never, ever have it.

_Even if our families would allow it, and they never would_... Vivio thought glumly, looking into her bag and seeing her wig and squeaky red rubber nose, ... _An amazing girl like her would never be interested in a simple, ordinary clown like me._

And Vivio Takamachi, clown-in-training of Scaglietti Bros. greatest rival, Circus Force Six, made her way home in a cloud of sadness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

Jail 'Doc' Scaglietti took off his top-hat and hung it on the rack in his office. "Well?" He asked.

Uno, his secretary, consulted her PDA. "Cinque and Nove performed within expected parameters, and Sein actually exceeded them slightly. Tre, however, flew approximately .7 meters short of the expected distance."

Jail nodded. "We'll modify the cannon again before the next show. I doubt anyone in the audience noticed, but that's still no reason to strive for less than perfection."

"Very well, sir. Let's see... Sette and Deed's juggling went well. Dieci's sharpshooting act was a huge success. And, of course, Quattro's ability to inflict anguish on others for no reason other than her own sadistic glee remains at over 40% higher than should be humanly possible."

"Excellent, excellent. And the clowns?"

"Zest and Agito performed... well, Agito did well. Zest performed poorly, as usual." Uno said bluntly. "The man is not the clown he once was ever since the... incident with his old troupe. He should probably be let go."

"You know who I _really_ meant when I asked about the clowns, Uno."

"Yes... her." Uno said softly. "Lutecia is... she's... frankly, nothing less than astonishing, sir. I can honestly claim that she surpasses the skills of any clown I have ever seen with my own eyes, and compares favorably to any I can even think of. Despite her youth, she has already achieved S-ranked Clowning Levels, and her clownness is only growing with each performance."

Jail smiled wickedly. "Yes... yes! She may very well be the one to finally claim the throne of the Ultimate Clown. There is only one other... one person who might oppose her. And despite Yagami's interference, she is still only a child."

"We should not underestimate that woman. She is a capable ringmaster, and Circus Force Six has prospered under her leadership. They are the only circus in town that has not fallen to our superior acts; what we accomplish through the bleeding edge of Circus-based technology, they achieve through hard work, raw talent, and a great deal of implied lesbianism that never _quite_ gets confirmed or denied." Uno cautioned. "It's a difficult combination to beat. There are hundreds, possibly thousands of people who only buy tickets to their shows so they can see if Nanoha and Fate are finally going to admit they're a couple this week or not."

"Yes, I know... I'll admit to being curious myself, on occasion." Jail said. Then, after a brief pause, he blurted out, "... well, I mean they're together all the time. They adopted a child together, some people say they even sleep in the same bed sometimes! They _have_ to be a couple, right? So why is it they won't just admit it?! I... I suppose... maybe they're just unusually friendly? Is that possible? I don't think they've ever even kissed in public, and they're always open and friendly like that to everyone. Maybe they're just naturally over-affectionate and we've all just filled in the wrong blanks in our minds? Aaaaaargh, I don't even care which is which, I just want an _answer_, any answer! Wait, maybe it will happen this week! I should go buy a ticket and..."

"Sir!" Uno said harshly. "That's exactly the train of thought they want you to have! Don't fall for it!"

Jail shook his head, as if in a daze. "I... I'm sorry. The subtext briefly overwhelmed me."

"I happens to the best of us, sir."

"Where were we before my... episode?"

"Ultimate Clown, sir."

"Ah! Yes! That's right!" Jail said. "Well, at this point, the only one that might be able to challenge Lutecia is that girl, and as skilled as she is, her performance level is still far too low. One day, perhaps, Vivio Takamachi will truly be a clown great enough to face Lutecia, but as quickly as my plans are progressing... that day will come far, far too late."

* * *

Vivio slipped into the dorms the circus had rented while they were in town. Her rehearsal didn't start for another ten minutes, and she'd worn most of her clowning gear under her coat, so all she really needed to do was throw on some make-up and get out her wig and props. It would be a bit sloppy, but nobody would mind if it was just rehearsal.

"Hello, Vivio." Said a voice from further in the darkened room, causing Vivio to jump halfway out of her skin. The lights snapped on, leaving Vivio face-to-face with the last people she wanted to see.

"H-h-hello, Mamas... Aunt Hayate..." Vivio said nervously. This was bad... this was really bad, wasn't it? But no... it wasn't as though she'd missed rehearsal. And it wasn't odd for her to have skipped dinner, right? Sometimes people just weren't hungry, or wanted to go out to eat instead of eating at the circus's own cafeteria. They wouldn't suspect a thing.

_Of course they suspect a thing, you dummy, they wouldn't be here if they didn't suspect a thing_! Said the part of her that hated the rest of her.

Nanoha Takamachi, flying trapeze specialist and the circus's chief Combat Instructor (Some people wondered why the circus had a Chief Combat Instructor. Nanoha wondered why most circuses _didn't_.), had her arms folded and an expression of mingled disappointment, relief, and irritation on her face. "Vivio. Where were you? You've been gone for three hours, and you didn't tell anyone where you were going or sign out with the central office. We've been worried sick about you, young lady!"

"I... I just went out to dinner." Vivio said, realizing even as she spoke that it would have been a much better excuse if her voice did not, even to her own ears, soundlike she was making it up as she went along. "Nothing against the food here, I just felt like something fancier than day-old stew. Signing out must have just slipped my mind... I figured it wouldn't matter as long as I was back before rehearsal, right?"

"Vivio." Fate Testarossa, the elegant and gorgeous princess of the high-wire act, said gently. "Please, don't lie, we're pretty sure we already know what... or rather, who... you were going to see. We're not angry with you, we're just concerned. This isn't the first time this has happened, dear. Whenever Scaglietti Bros. plays the same city as us, you get so distant and spaced-out. We worry about you, honey."

"Fate-mama is right, sweetie." Nanoha said firmly. "Every time this happens, you just completly lose your heart for the circus, and your clowning suffers for it. Plus, we really could have used your help putting out the fire. Shari decided that Erio's human cannonball act wasn't exciting enough and she tried to strap him to a rocket... it wasn't pretty."

Vivio winced. Shario Finnenio, the Chief Circus Engineer, was a truly brilliant woman, but she sometimes had a slightly skewed idea of what constituted an acceptable performance. The woman had once modified all of Vivio's clowning equipment with a uranium power cell without telling anybody. Seven people had been hospitalized for nearly a month due to the ensuing Squirting Flower malfunction. So much blood... "Sorry, mamas. I thought we'd been giving Shari her meds."

"First: we, uh, were. It seems that at some point, she replaced all of her prescptions with placebos to keep us from noticing. Second: We're not who you should be apologizing to." Nanoha said meaningfully.

"... oh." Vivio said. "I'm s-sorry I wasn't here, Aunt Hayate..."

Hayate Yagami, the ringmaster and owner of Circus Force Six, the woman who had bound together a handful of failing acts... the Amazing Flying Takamachis, the Harlaown Family Circus, Nakajima Clowning Enterprises, The Night Sky Mercenary Company (who were admittedly not, in the strictest sense, a circus act, but really hired killers were almost the same thing as circus folk, and Signum did a great fire-breathing act regardless)... and transformed them into the Circussing juggernaut that they were today, grinned and raised one eyebrow. "Well, young love will do that. No matter how many times we tell you that it's too dangerous, and it will never work, it just keeps bubbling back up every time we work the same city as Scaglietti..."

"N-n-no! It's n-n-n-nothing like that!" Vivio protested, blushing furiously. "I... I just really admire... sort of idolize... wanted to observe her technique, that's all..."

"Vivio. Like I said, we're not angry." Hayate said soothingly.

"... ... her hair is so _purple_ and her nose is so _squeaky_ and she is so _perfect_." Vivio said blissfully.

Hayate shook her head sadly. "Vivio, I understand, I really do. You're drawn to Lutecia's clownish essence, like a moth to a flame. You couldn't be the amazing clown you are if you didn't _feel_ her Clowning Aura in every cell of your being."

"Oh, I'm nothing special. Not compared to her..." Vivio said glumly. "She'd never even notice me..."

"No!" Nanoha snapped. "Don't you dare say that, Vivio! Ever since the moment when we first adopted you and you used to wear mama's shoes and pretend they were floppy clown shoes, we've seen your boundless potential. Your instinct for wigs is flawless, you can trip over banana peels that aren't even on the _floor_, you can shoot yourself in the face with seltzer more skillfully than anyone I've ever _seen_! Subaru and Ginga have been professionally clowning for longer than you've been alive, and even they are shocked by your raw talent! You may be a bit rough still, but within you lies the potential to be the greatest clown the world has ever known, and I won't allow you to put yourself down just because you haven't fully matured it yet! And don't you dare say I'm only saying this because I'm your mama, you know full well that I wouldn't lie to you."

Vivio smiled in spite of herself. "Mama..."

Hayate smiled and leaned closer to Vivio. "Vivio. I understand how you feel, and I understand we can't change it. But please, this has to stop. Doc Scaglietti is a dangerous man, who espouses the use of terrible and mysterious circusry. None truly understand how his acts became so popular, or how Cinque manages to throw knives so accurately without depth perception. Should he catch you under his big top, I can only imagine the horrible, clown-related experimentation he would perform upon you to unlock your abilities for his own nefarious uses. And as much as you admire Lutecia... it's not mutual, Vivio. She is completely devoted only to her clownery. She would not save you."

"I... I... I know, but... I just..." Vivio said, tears welling up in her eyes. She ran from the room, dropping her bag. The squeaky red nose fell from it.

It squeaked.

"That may have been a bit harsh, Hayate..." Fate said mournfully.

"It's for the best, and you know it." Hayate said, sadness lacing her own tone in equal measure. "She has to learn. Ginga and Subaru haven't got her natural, finely tuned clowning instincts, and even they have begun to feel Lutecia's pull. Her Aura of Clowning is growing. I don't know what Scaglietti has done to acquire a clown of her abilities, but I do know he's planning to use her for something major, and only Vivio could hope to match her power. The day is rapidly approaching when Vivio must draw upon all the powers of her ancestry, and face Lutecia. Alone. And when that happens, only one of them can have the last laugh."

The wind blew outside, bringing with it a chill that went far beyond mere temperature.

And then the silence was broken by Nanoha's voice saying, "Wait, they're clowns, they're supposed to make _other_ people laugh. So wouldn't the one who 'laughs last' actually be the loser?"

"... okay, I didn't quite think that one through." Hayate admitted.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**:

Vivio was feeling lost. She certainly couldn't go to rehearsal; Nanoha-mama would be there, since the clowns had half an hour of kickboxing practice after they finished rehearsing their act. Nanoha had never adequately explained why clowns needed combat practice, but then she'd never adequately explained why most of the performers needed combat practice. The practice happened regardless. And she couldn't leave the circus again; Aunt Hayate was only so forgiving, and would not be as kind in the event of a second offense.

So she wandered. Eventually, she found her way to Long Arch (by which she meant, of course, the arch on the side of the main arena that the elephants entered through. It had to be pretty long to fit elephants under it) and sat down in the darkened tent. When the weather was nice, most of the performers preferred to practice out in the open fields surrounding the tents, so nobody would be in there. She really needed some time alone to come to terms with her situation.

Aunt Hayate was right, frankly. There wasn't much arguing with that. The rumors about Jail Scaglietti were numerous, and the vast majority of them were not good, even beyond the persistent talk that there was something not entirely normal about the women in his performing group. For starters, it was well known that one of his clowns, Zest, had once been part of an act with the mother of Vivio's own partners, Subaru and Ginga Nakajima. And it had not gone unnoticed that Zest had joined Scaglietti Bros. at around the same time that both of his partners had passed away under 'mysterious circumstances' shortly after refusing to join Scaglietti's circus as a full troupe. There was no _proof_ that Jail Scaglietti had two women killed and then began exerting some sort of mysterious influence over their partner to blackmail him into service and acquire a master clown, but people still talked...

And while she was on the subject of mysterious disappearances, 'Scaglietti Bros.' was not just a name, was it? The show had been founded by more than just Jail, after all. He had always been the ringmaster, the front man, but in the background had been his three siblings; Prison, Penetentiary, and Herbert Scaglietti (Herbert may have been adopted). While Jail had run the show from the front, the other three had handled the background work; hiring, financing, advertising. They were affectionately nicknamed 'the Brains in Jars' by fans, due to the fact that they almost never showed their faces in public, contributing to the circus in a purely intellectual manner... at least until they all 'passed away under mysterious circumstances', leaving Jail the sole owner. Nobody had ever quite understood how they'd all managed to be accidentally struck by a bus. While inside their offices. On the twentieth floor of the high-rise building they were renting.

But several people had noticed that it had occurred within a few days of Due being hired into the circus. Ugh. Due. She, by herself, was more suspicious than every other single thing about Scaglietti's entire operation, and frankly that took some work. If anyone was up to the challenge, though, it was Due. She worked at the circus, just like all of Scaglietti's other oddly-named subordinates, but unlike them she seemed to have no job. She didn't perform in any acts, she didn't help set things up, she didn't sell tickets or make food or anything. Her only apparent duty at the circus was to stand around polishing a rather large knife.

It was not, it must be noted, one of the knives that Cinque used in her act.

And somehow, no matter how often she polished it, it always seemed to be dirty.

Vivio shuddered. Yes, being caught under Scaglietti's big top was probably not wise.

And to make things worse, Aunt Hayate wasn't wrong about the fact that her crush would probably not come to her aid if she actually did get in trouble. Vivio was forced to base this belief on the fact that she had never, in point of fact, actually _spoken_ to Lutecia. At all. Ever.

She'd tried, of course... it was just that the closer she got to the older girl, the harder it got to think. The blood rushed to her head, she got dizzy, she became less and less coherent. She'd attempted many times to approach her, before or after shows, and strike up a conversation, but most of these attempts had ended with her running away at the last second or zoning out into her fantasies and missing the opportunity. The worst had been the time when she'd spent an entire day working up her courage; she'd bought flowers, prepared an entirely new (and, if she did say so herself, really cute) outfit, new perfume, reservations at her favorite restaurant... she'd prepared every detail for the coming night. She would approach Lutecia in her trailer after that night's performance. She would give her the bouquet and say something incredibly suave, like, "Milady, you truly lit up the arena this night. I have long admired you, and would consider it an honor if you would join me for dinner tomorrow evening." Yeah, something awesome like that.

Unfortunately, when she'd actually gotten so far as actually being in Lutecia's presence, what had actually happened hadn't gone quite that well. She had spoken, yes, but the words had not been anything so smooth. Or coherent. Vivio's memory of the night was rather fuzzy, but from what she could recall she believed she'd something along the lines of "Flibble flobble, murgle gloog". She'd then passed out.

Yeah.

So essentially, Vivio was completely obsessed with a woman who, if she remembered her at all, recalled her as 'that girl who fainted outside my trailer and spooked the elephants' and who worked for a man who would quite likely shove Vivio down an elevator shaft if he found out she was 'spying' on his circus. Intellectually, she knew all of this.

"_So why can't I just get over her_?!" Vivio shouted furiously to nobody in particular.

"I dunno." Said a painfully familiar voice from directly behind her.

"V-V-Vita! How nice to see you!" Vivio said nervously, whirling on the new and obnoxiously quiet arrival.

"You got a crush? Who on?" Vita said, ignoring her greeting completely. Vita was, frankly, the circus equivalent of a bouncer. She didn't help with any of the acts, but if one of the customers started something, Vita would be the one to show them the door. Usually, she would show them the door moving very quickly towards them as they were tossed through it.

Several people scoffed at this when they first learned it. These people then recieved an education on the fact that there were certain logistical problems with a grown adult fighting someone whose fists were perfectly level with their groins. And then, when they were writhing in agony, Vita would proceed to take advantage of their newly lowered position to educate them firmly in the head and neck until they required a stay in the hospital.

Vita was very big on education.

"Who you got a crush on? If I gotta listen to you whine, I might as well know who you're whining about." Vita said again.

"I-I-I-I-I-I haven't got a..."

Vita made a fist.

"Lutecia! Clown! Scaglietti Bros.!" Vivio babbled.

"... all right. Before we go one step further, I have to ask: is this a legitimate crush, or is this one of those weird clown things? Because if it's the second, I'm leaving." Vita grumbled.

"Well... a little. I mean she's an _incredible_ clown, she can do things with a tiny car that I can only dream of... but it's more than that." Vivio said.

"That's good. What more is it?" Vita said, diplomatically choosing not to point out that, in her opinion, anyone who was choosing to base an attraction on clown ability should be in a looney bin, not a relationship.

There were cucumbers that had more circus in their soul than Vita. Most of the performers considered it a condition to be pitied more than anything else. Vita considered that it made her the only halfway-sane person in the circus.

"Well... it's just... she's a clown. But she never, ever smiles." Vivio said. "I can't help but notice, you know? Even when everyone around her is laughing, she looks so empty. Have you ever heard the story of how Nanoha-mama and Fate-mama first met?" Vivio asked.

"I know it involved something about Testarossa's mom being way, way too intense about her highwire act." Vita said.

"That's... as good a way as any to put it." Vivio said. "Fate-mama doesn't really like to talk about it, but it involved her mother ordering her to walk the tightrope without a net. Or anything to help her balance. ... Or a tightrope."

"I can see how that might be a problem." Vita admitted.

"Well, it was Nanoha-mama who found her, and said that she just looked so _sad_ that she couldn't ignore it." Vivio continued. "Now, granted, most people would have looked pretty sad if they were being asked to walk across empty air while two-hundred feet above the ground, but Nanoha-mama claims that Fate-mama looked sadder than most. So she intervened... saved her. Got her mother arrested for criminal negligence, child abuse, and blatant ignorance of proper circus traditions, and got Fate-mama brought to a more stable and nurturing circus environment. And I can't help but think: what if this is like that? What if Lutecia needs to be saved like Fate-mama did? She might need me, and if she does I can't just abandon her!"

"Heh. I guess you really are your mother's daughter, adopted or no." Vita said in amusement.

"Also... I don't know if you've ever seen Lutecia, but she is _totally_ hot. I mean, _wow_." Vivio admitted with a slight blush.

"Aaaand, I guess your aunt Hayate's rubbed off on you a bit too..." Vita said wryly. "All right, I'm gonna tell it like it is, kid. You..."

"Should just forget about her." Vivio said glumly. "I know... mamas and Aunt Hayate have already told me about it, and I know they're probably right. I just... no matter how hard I try, I can't! I..."

"Eh? What? Give up? Who said give up? What are you, some kind of pansy?" Vita asked.

"... huh?"

"Look, kid, if you like her, you gotta fight! You go over to that Spaghetti dork's creepy circus, you go up to your creepy clown-crush girl, and you _make_ her like you!" Vita said. "Never give up, never surrender! Hit the problem hard enough and often enough, and eventually you'll pound your way through to something like success!"

"And, um, how do I do all of that?" Vivio asked a bit nervously.

"I'm partial to hammers myself." Vita said sagely.

"... you're saying that I should win Lutecia's heart by hitting her with a hammer?"

"No, no. You can't aim for the heart with a hammer, dummy, go for the head so she goes down quicker. And keep in mind that once she's unconscious you still have to drag her back here." Vita said. "That ain't easy, you know? Even a little bit of dead weight can be tough to move. You might need a wheelbarrow."

"I... I'll consider it." Vivio said, quite a bit more nervously. "Thanks... I think."

"No prob, kid. See you around." Vita said cheerfully, waving goodbye as she wandered off to do whatever she did when she wasn't roughing people up.

Vivio chuckled somewhat unsteadily. _Well... in a way, I guess that was good advice. Not the hammer thing, of course, but the more general message. Love is never easy, right? I have to be willing to fight for what I want! Even if everyone else thinks I don't have a shot, that's no reason not to try! If the feelings are real, they'll find a way! All right, I'm definitely going to fight and make Lutecia mine!_ Vivio thought, new vigor filling her mind. She stood up, enthusiasm obvious in her steps, and began to make her way to facing her problem head-on.

She made it about five steps before other thoughts began moving in. _Of course, I'll still get so nervous that I can't talk to her. And her employer will still probably try to kill me. And there's no guarantee that she'll return my feelings, even if we do successfully get to know each other. And mamas and Aunt Hayate will still be trying to stop me._

"... ... _I haven't actually solved any problems at all_!" Vivio screamed in ultimate frustration.

"Try a bigger hammer!" Vita called back over her shoulder.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: In the last chapter of _Infinity_, I said the next thing I would be writing in would be _Uninvited Guests, _my Bleach story. **

**Turns out sometimes I'm dishonest. **

**Chapter 4:**

Lutecia wiped the last of the makeup from her face and stared into the mirror, her expression set in stone.

"Another great performance, Lu!" Agito said. "You were knocking 'em dead out there!"

"Thank you, Agito." Lutecia said, lightly inclining her head in the red-head's direction.

"Zest... er... you were... certainly... present?" Agito said. "I don't know one person I could ask who would say that you weren't totally existing out there tonight."

"I have already died once. This life is nothing but a brief reprieve before I return to the netherworld." Zest intoned.

"... ... ..." Agito said. "Good for you?"

"You also performed well, Agito." Lutecia offered.

"Naaah, I'm nothing compared to you and... well, okay, I did better than Zest. Though he totally existed! Way to be physically there, man! But I can't hold a candle to you, Lulu." Agito said. "I mean, I get some chuckles, but _you_... it's like the whole world stands still. And then, after they stand still, they start laughing."

"Isn't it, though?" A new voice inquired. Doc Scaglietti strode into the dressing room, a shark's grin on his face. "You were brilliant tonight, my dear. You lit up the arena, a rousing success all around."

"Yes, doctor."

"But we can't relax just yet. We'll be upping your treatments again, starting tonight. Five percent should be enough, I think." He said, almost conversationally.

"What?!" Agito snapped. "Listen you nut, even Lu can't handle much more of-"

"It's fine, Agito." Lutecia said. "If the doctor thinks I need to be funnier, I'm sure he has a good reason."

"Indeed I do." Jail said. "I thought we had more time, but... I've just been informed that _she_ was here, in the audience tonight. Uno just found her on the security footage."

For the first time that night, Lutecia showed the slightest hint of emotion. Unfortunately, it wasn't a terribly appropriate clownish emotion. Nobody wants to see a frightened clown. "And I... I didn't even sense her? That shouldn't be..."

"I know. That's what worries me... she shouldn't be anything special, I would have staked my life that she wasn't, not yet. And yet somehow, she evaded your notice." Scaglietti said severely. "I don't fully understand her abilities. She is an excellent clown... not on your level, of course, but excellent..."

"Yes. She is." Lutecia said softly. She had seen the girl, Vivio, perform once; the doctor had wanted her to study a potential rival. Aside from thinking that the young clown down in the ring looked suspiciously similar to a girl who had once passed out in front of her trailer and spooked the elephants, Lutecia had not been terribly impressed... except for one moment.

It was a simple gag, honestly. She'd been pretending to sneak up on another of the clowns in her troupe, holding a cream pie. The audience could clearly see this 'stealth', of course, so she was exaggeratedly hushing them as she 'snuck'. Then, just when the tension reached it's climax, and she was to tap her unsuspecting target on the shoulder and pie them in the face when they turned... she would trip over her own feet and land face-first in the pie. As gags went it was funny, but nothing special.

But it was _made_ special when Vivio performed it... there was no other way to say it other than she performed it Perfectly. Every single second of the small routine; the deliberately over-exaggerated 'sneaking'. The way she held the projectile pastry. The intentional 'trip' and subsequent fall. Every instant of it, of that one single gag, had been completely without flaw. Before and after that one gag, Vivio had been... good, but not great. But during that one, crystalline moment, she was Perfect, a clown to end all clowns, the audience rolling in the aisles in helpless laughter in spite of the fact that the gag really wasn't anything special, their senses of humor completely overloaded by the sheer _presence_ of the girl. The experience of being surpassed, upstaged even for a few brief seconds, had rocked Lutecia to her core, shaken her confidence like nothing else ever had. She'd nearly made a facial expression, she'd been so shocked.

Her reverie was interrupted by Scaglietti's continued speech, "But now it seems that she is somehow able to appear perfectly normal when not performing."

"But... but clowns are not normal. Just because she isn't wearing the make-up doesn't mean she isn't a clown." Lutecia protested. "Just because she wasn't performing doesn't mean she isn't a clown. Clowning is more than face paint and shoes. It is in the _soul_."

"As I said, I don't understand exactly what's happening." Scaglietti replied. "It's disturbing, and you must be prepared for whatever the consequences might be. It could very well be that her powers are beyond what we expected, and you must be able to match them. The endgame is approaching, and a conflict is inevitable. You know as well as I do that there can be only one Ultimate Circus, and only one Ultimate Clown."

"Of course," Lutecia said, as though this were the most logical thing in the world.

"This is the Ultimate Circus. Our performers are the finest the world has ever seen. And you _are the Ultimate Clown_." Scaglietti said, passion rising in his eyes.

"Ultimate? Hey, what about that Yagami lady's circus?" Agito asked.

Jail winced. "Yes, well..."

"I just ask 'cause I think they sell about the same number of tickets we do. And they're the ones who employ this clowning prodigy you're all worried about. So aren't they just as good as us? We can't really be 'Ultimate' if there's another out there that's just as good."

"All right, yes, technically speaking we do have roughly the same attendance rates. But it's _not_ because they're as good as us. They cheat." Scaglietti said irritably. "I mean, really, have you seen their acts?"

"Oh, you mean that thing where Nanoha flips off the trapeze and lands on the tightrope next to Fate, and she pretends she's about to fall off but then Fate catches her and they look like they're about to kiss, but then before they do they suddenly turn away from each other and bow to the audience?"

"That, among other things." Scaglietti said. "Look, my point is that _we're_ the better circus. We don't need to blatantly troll the audience, _we_ get by on pure skill."

Agito smiled sweetly. "Uh-huh, pure skill! That's right, chief!" She then coughed something that sounded suspiciously like 'highly illegal gene therapy'.

"... what was that?"

"Nothing. Just a cough." Agito said. "::cough::black-market-cybernetic-implants::cough::."

"That's... that's quite a cough."

"I might be coming down with something. But you totally run this circus on nothing but the pure, natural skill of your performers. ::cough::Bizarre-and-immoral-experiments-with-strange-artifacts-of-unknown-origin::cough::." Agito coughed.

Jail narrowed his eyes. "You should do something about that cough. Immediately."

"Will do, chief. Got some cough medicine in my car. I must be getting sick. Sick with _amazement_ over how totally legitimate this show is, I mean! ::cough::You-think-we-haven't-figured-out-what-Due's-actual-job-is?::cough::."

"Well... go get it." Jail said, taking Lutecia by the arm and leading her off for her treatments.

Agito cheerfully waved good-bye. "Bye, Lu! Good luck! ::cough::This-guy-is-a-nut-and-we-should-get-a-new-job::cough::"

"Okay! Seriously! Go get the cough drops!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

Jail Scaglietti was not stupid. Amoral, certainly. Creepy, definitely. Insane? You better believe it. But he was most definitely not stupid.

He had every confidence that, in the eventual confrontation between the two warring circuses, his would claim final victory. He was completely confident in Lutecia; she was his masterpiece, the ultimate expression of Clownish engineering.

But it was never a smart idea to put all of your eggs in one basket, right? And if there was another way to solve the problem… one without even the infintessimal risk that Lutecia might be out-clowned? Well, it would be completely stupid not to pursue that option.

And Jail was not stupid.

Her favorite knife securely hidden beneath her unassuming street clothes, her distinctive hair concealed beneath a short, dark wig, the disguised Due strolled toward Circus Force Six, humming a little tune as she went. She was off to see the clowns.

* * *

Vivio sighed and put the finishing touches on her makeup.

As depressed as she was, there was no getting around it: she had to go rehearse. Lutecia was her love, yes, but clowning was her life. It simply wasn't in her to skip practice entirely. Subaru and Ginga needed her, after all. She wandered towards the clown's section of the training field, passing other acts as she went.

Caro, the animal tamer, politely asking a lion to sit, which it did, purring like a kitten. Caro never used a whip or any other sort of coercive instruments; animals just listened to her. Nobody was sure why. Her maybe-sorta-kinda-boyfriend, Erio Mondial, was sitting off to the side and watching. He was currently wearing a cast on his right arm and an assortment of bandages. Vivio briefly wondered about that before recalling that Shari had attempted to 'spice up' his act.

He was lucky he only had one broken arm.

"Gooood boy! Who's a good boy!" Caro said, scratching the enormous cat under its chin. It fell to the ground and rolled over, asking for belly rubs. "Oh, hi Vivio! Are the clowns already finished?"

"Nope, I'm just running late." Vivio said, forcing a smile to her face. There was no need to bring her friends down into her gloominess, and besides, it was a clown's duty to smile. "Hopefully I'll get there in time for the third act, at least… we're supposed to use the tiny car in that act, and I always have trouble with that…"

"So how is your… Lutecia situation coming along?" Erio asked.

Vivio winced. "You… you two know about that? Was it mamas, aunt Hayate, or Vita who spilled the beans? C'mon, fess up."

Caro smiled a bit sadly. "None. You're… not as discreet about it as you think. We've all noticed the long absences, the way you get all wistful whenever anyone talks about Scaglietti's circus…"

"… the life-sized poster of her you have in your bedroom and you think nobody knows about, but that we found when we went looking for you the first time you wandered off to go see Lutecia perform and didn't tell anyone…" Erio said, blushing slightly.

Vivio blushed far more than slightly. "That's for research! Important clowning research!"

"Of course it is." Erio and Caro said in perfect unison. Almost as if they weren't lying at all.

"Oh, god, my life is over, isn't it?" Vivio moaned.

"Not yet, but soon." Said a new voice. Vivio turned to see the resident trick-shot expert, Teana Lanster, walking toward her. "Vivio, your mom told me that if I saw you, I should tell you she said you should just skip practice tonight."

"Wh-what? Why? Is she… is she upset with me? I didn't think that she…" Vivio began, her already low spirits sinking even further.

"No, it's got nothing to do with your forbidden love." Tea reassured her.

"... Wow, everybody really _does_ know about that, don't they?" Vivio asked sadly.

"Oh, yes. Vita was the only one who hadn't figured it out, and even she knows now." Tea said helpfully.

"... ... wonderful."

"It gets worse. You see, Nanoha doesn't want you to skip practice because she's upset. It's just that… Shari was looking for you." Tea said gravely. "And she looked _really happy_."

Vivio's eyes widened in horror.

Erio clutched his bandaged arm as it twinged with sudden pain.

Caro hid behind her lion, distancing herself from Vivio as much as possible.

"Did… did Shari say why she was looking for me?" Vivio asked, a slight quaver in her voice.

It was a pointless question, they all knew it. Shari was the circus engineer and dealt with equipment, not performers. She would only be looking for a specific person for one reason: she had come up with an idea to 'spice up' their circus act. And she really did mean well, trying to be cutting edge and help their act flourish. The problem was that Shari's idea of 'spicing up' was a little bit unorthodox. What she considered to be a pleasant, mild sort of spice, others considered to be a shot of pure jalapeño juice applied directly to the eyeballs. Erio's shattered bones were convincing evidence of that, for any doubters.

"She wants to… improve your act. Has some bold new designs." Tea said, her tone as cold and lost as the grave.

"I… I thought we got her back on her meds after what happened to Erio." Vivio said softly. The red-haired boy winced again. Just remembering it made it hurt more.

"We… we think we did, but there's no certainty. Not with her." Tea said. "I'm so sorry, Vivi, I know you have a lot on your mind already without this happening. Subaru and Ginga have already said they'd be willing to cut their own rehearsal short and reschedule it for whenever you… aren't in danger of too much improvement."

"Tell them thank you, but they can go on without me… I'll get the act training in on my own time, and Nanoha-mama will make sure I get my three hours of close-combat practice no matter what." Vivio said, making her way back to her quarters. She would grab mama's keys, and go hide in Aunt Hayate's bedroom. Hayate wouldn't mind, and not even Shari would look there. Besides, Aunt Hayate had one of the nicer beds in the circus, and after the crappy day she'd had, Vivio felt a nap wasn't out of order. All she needed to do was make sure that she made it all the way there without running into…

"Viviooooooo!" Said a familiar, excited-puppy voice that filled her body with dread and sent chills down her spine. _God, I barely made it a five feet_… She thought, sensing the approach of Disaster.

"Hi, Shari! How are... things?" Vivio said with false enthusiasm. "I really must be going, have many errands to run, practice to do, all that, simply can't take the time to talk right n-"

"Vivio!" Shario Finnenio said, clapping a friendly hand onto Vivio's shoulder and an iron clamp onto her hand. "You and I are going to make history. Follow me!"

"Bye-bye you two!" Tea said, waving to them with forced cheer.

"I liked Vivio. I'm going to miss her when she's dead." Caro said.

Erio winced again.

* * *

Due smiled. "Wow, that is so _interesting_."

Phillip Camisaroja smiled right back. It wasn't often a pretty girl took such interest in a simple roadie, right? He really ought to get back to work, but technically he was still on circus property, and if he stopped for a few minutes to chat up a cutie there was nothing wrong with that. "Yeah, I guess working at a circus is pretty unusual, isn't it? I mean, I only help set stuff up and take it apart, but still…"

"I certainly wouldn't know what it's like to work at one of those places." Due purred. "You're simply _fascinating_."

"Yeah… yeah, I guess I am! I mean, I've even done things like calm rampaging elephants!" Phillip said. Well, not really… Miss Caro had done that by politely requesting the elephant stop rampaging, then giving it a nice treat. But he'd been in the area!

"That's just _amazing_." Due said. "But you know what the most amazing thing is? How all of you circus workers wear the same outfit."

"Er… really?"

"Really. I mean, you all wear the exact same clothing. And you're such a lightly built man… I bet you're not much bigger than me." Due said.

"Er… that's kind of an odd thing to notice…" Phillip said.

"Why, I bet that if I pried open that manhole over there and dumped your body in the sewer, then wore your uniform, I could pass as a circus worker here." Due said, smiling brilliantly.

"… that's a strangely specific thing to think of. Ah, well, I guess it's true, though." Phillip said.

At this point, Due began to get the impression that perhaps Phillip was only a roadie because he genuinely wasn't smart enough to get any job more complicated than picking stuff up and moving it to other places.

"I," She said slowly, drawing her knife, "Am about to murder you and dump your body in a filthy sewer. Then I'm going to use your outfit to help me sneak through the circus unnoticed, so that I can murder someone else."

"Wow, isn't that kind of morbid for a joke?" Phillip asked.

"… … … …" Due said. "You know, I felt a little bit sorry about this before, since you're totally unrelated to what I'm doing here. But now? I just think that I'm doing the gene pool a favor."

Five minutes later, she walked into the Circus Force Six grounds in her new... well, slightly used... roadie's outfit.

* * *

Vivio looked down at the flower in doubt. "I don't know, Shari. The 'water-squirting flower worn on the lapel' is sort of an old stand-by for a reason: water won't kill anybody. And the last 'upgrade' you made to my squirting flower very nearly did just that."

"Trust me!" Shari said with a brilliant smile. Only a moron would, but she was just so _happy_. How could you say no to her? "This will be _great_. This flower still squirts water, just the new power source increases the range ten-fold! You can even hit the audience! They _love_ that sort of thing, right? Participation!"

"... that's all it does? You're sure?" Vivio asked.

"Of course!"

"Well then. If you _swear_ to me that's the case... I'll give it a try." Vivio said.

"Wonderful! That's great! Make sure you don't point it at anyone." Shari said.

"... you said it just shoots water."

"And I was absolutely telling the truth!" Shari reassured her. "Just don't want anyone to get wet."

"Er... okay..." Vivio said. Realistically, she knew she shouldn't. But if she didn't, Shari would do it herself. At least this way she could make sure nobody was in the area.

Looking around the clearing, Vivio made sure that nobody was anywhere nearby, pointed the flower at empty space, and prepared to squirt some 'water'.

* * *

Due slipped between the tents and trailers like a ghost.

She preferred it this way. The disguise was a nice backup, but if she could avoid being seen at all, it was a mark of pride.

The little clown was off by herself, now. Just the target and one other woman; easy prey. Finding her had been almost too simple, really; nobody bothered to hide anything in this place. Everyone was yammering about how Vivio had gone off with Shari and the direction they'd gone... didn't these people know how to lie, hide information, and misdirect? You know, like normal people.

Hiding behind the last remaining structure between her and her target, Due smirked. She'd have to kill both girls, of course; she really shouldn't wait here any longer than she had to. It would be quick, clean, and efficient.

She slid her trusty knife into her hand noiseless. _Sorry, kid. Just business._ She thought.

Then, quick as a striking snake, she leapt from cover and went on the attack.

* * *

Vivio wasn't quite certain what happened, really.

She pressed the flower that 'totally just squirted water', and what emitted from it was a beam of coherent light, bright red and so hot she could smell her own hair slightly singe.

A woman dressed in a roadie's outfit appeared suddenly, like a ghost, from behind the nearest tent, and charged straight at Vivio. Straight at Vivio, from the direction that Vivio herself had been looking. The direction that the flower had been facing, specifically.

The woman stood for a few seconds, a knife in her hand, a look of shock on her face, and a neatly burned hole in her chest.

She fell, then, and silence fell with her. Briefly.

"Huh. Guess the laser works after all." Shari said.

"Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" Vivio shrieked. "I killed her! I killed her! I killed her!"

"Don't be silly, dear." Shari said. "The _laser_ killed her, not you. Which means it probably isn't safe for use in your real act… darn. Well, at least now I know. Good thing I told you it shot water, eh?"

Under better circumstances, Vivio would probably have asked what value a laser cannon could _possibly_ have been to a clown act. Instead, however, she said, "Oh, God, I'm a murderer… I think I'm going to be sick…" Vivio whimpered.

"As long as you don't throw up on the flower, there. If it destabilizes the power source, the explosion could wipe out three-quarters of the continent." Shari said.

Vivio instantly pulled the flower from her chest and threw it to the side as if she been bitten. "What the Hell did you put on me?"

"Careful, careful!" Shari cautioned, gingerly picking the thing up off the floor. "You _really_ don't want to screw with this power source, I'm telling you."

"What is it? What exactly is even _more_ dangerous than what I already know about the death-weapon you strapped to my chest?" Vivio snapped.

Shari considered this. "Well… um… technically it would be incredibly illegal for the battery to be antimatter, so it _totally isn't_ antimatter." Shari said very loudly. She then winked.

"Antimatter? Like that stuff that explodes if it touches anything, from all those books and sci-fi shows where _things explode_? You strapped that to me?"

"No, no. I said that's not what I did." Shari said, loudly and obviously, as if she was afraid that someone with the authority to shove her into a padded cell might be listening in. "I would never do something like that. That would be insane. Yes… they would call me _mad,_ were I to toy with the primal forces of creation and destruction like that." Shari said, still loudly but now with a slightly odd tint to her tone.

"Um… Shari, I realize I should have asked this awhile ago, but have you taken all your pills today?" Vivio asked nervously.

"They would call me insane. So, I would never hold, in the palm of my hand, the raw unfettered strength inherent in the polar opposite of the very universe. There is absolutely no way that I would conduct unsupervised private experiments using an unregistered particle collider to harness the unstoppable power to be found in the very antithesis of _existence_." Shari said.

"… … …" Vivio said.

"I would never do anything like that." Shari said, her voice dropping to a soft whisper. "No matter how much it made me feel like _God_."

"Aunt Hayateeeeeeeeee!" Vivio screamed at the top of her lungs. "Shari is off her meds agaaaaaaaain!"

"Dammit!" Hayate's voice sounded in the distance. "Everyone, check to make sure you still have all your limbs! I'm going to call the police and the fire department, and then we're going to make her take her damn pills if we have to force-feed them to her!"

Shari pouted. "Nobody here understands me." She complained.

* * *

**Author's Note: For those keeping score? This chapter officially marked the point where even I am not completely sure what's going to happen next. I have the ending in mind, but how I get there is sort of a mystery to me. Which means things might get... odd. Odder. **

**Just a friendly warning.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six:**

Jail stared at the readouts, eyes wide with shock. "Impossible..." He muttered.

"What is the problem, Doctor?" Lutecia asked. She herself was sitting in a medical robe on the edge of the operating table, her latest treatments completed only minutes prior. "Is there something wrong with my results?"

"No, you've taken to the treatments as well as ever." Jail said. "This reading is from the sensor monitoring Due's lifesigns, and it just... stopped transmitting."

"Ah. I'm sor- wait, why did she even have one of those things?" Lutecia said.

"Er... no reason..." Jail said.

"... ... you sent her to kill Vivio Takamachi?" Lutecia asked, the slightest trace of disapproval in her voice.

"A little bit." Jail admitted. "Look, I had an assassin, and I had a person I wanted dead. It seemed obvious enough to me."

"I am supposed to deal with her. No-one else." Lutecia stated firmly.

"And it seems you'll get your chance." Jail said. "It will be the ultimate test of your abilities, and one I had hoped to spare you... but she seems to have already reached the stage where she can only be bested in the clowning ring, and only you can face her there and hope to win.

"Yes, Vivio Takamachi is clearly far, far more cunning and dangerous than I'd ever imagined."

* * *

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Vivio wailed.

"Shhh, shh, it's okay sweetie..." Nanoha said softly, stroking her daughter's hair. "It'll be okay..."

"I-I-I d-don't wanna go to prison! WAAAAAAAAAH!" Vivio cried, sobbing openly into her mother's shoulder.

"Shhhh... you won't go to prison." Nanoha said consolingly. "It was an accident."

"That's right." Fate said, patting her daughter on the shoulder. "If anyone goes to prison, it will be your Aunt Hayate for employing a dangerous lunatic like Shari."

"Hey!" Hayate snapped. "She works for next to nothing and she keeps our equipment in better-than-new condition! You think running this circus is cheap? Shari is worth her weight in gold!"

Nanoha narrowed her eyes. "More like her weight in _uranium_, from the looks of it. Seriously, Shari? What possible value could a death ray have to a _clown_?"

Shari, her arms pinned behind her back by both of the Nakajima sisters, shrugged. "I dunno. Thought it would look cool."

Hayate rubbed her temples to fight off the growing migraine. "Subaru. Ginga. Take Shari back to her lab and give her some of her crazy pills, please."

"Um... are we sure those aren't placebos again?" Subaru asked. "She's tricked us before."

"Good point. Okay, shove her into a straitjacket for now. We'll medicate her in the morning once we've gotten a supply we can confirm is untainted." Hayate acknowledged.

Shair pouted. "I don't like those pills. They make it really hard to focus on the design for the fire-breathing robot t-rex I have planned for Griffith and Lucino's juggling act."

"Yes. That is why we make you take them." Hayate said.

"Aw, you're all no fun..." Shari whined as she was forcibly marched off.

"All right, people." Hayate said, turning her attention to the matter of the corpse. "There's two ways we can deal with this. Normal, or circus."

"W-what's the difference...?" Vivio sniffled, cuddling up closer to Nanoha. She was, understandably, having trouble coping.

"Normal, we call the police. They come and investigate. They ask questions, interrogate people. They wonder why this person was in our circus, and where exactly we got a laser to shoot her with. There's a whole big snafu, we're closed down for weeks, lots of people probably get in trouble." Hayate said. "Circus... we bury her body in the woods and never speak of this again. Personally, I vote circus."

"Hayate." Nanoha said chidingly.

"What? It's Due. Nobody is going to miss her, she barely even counted as a person." Hayate said. "Come on, you get the plastic bags, I'll get a hacksaw, we'll leave tonight and be back by morning. We can stop somewhere for breakfast, I haven't had a nice omelet in ages."

"_Hayate_." Fate said, a little bit more sternly.

"Aw, c'mon! It's not just ticket sales, I'm doing this for you! Your daughter might get in a lot of trouble, you know!" Hayate said.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Vivio wailed.

"See? This is better for everyone!" Hayate said firmly. "I'll tell Zafira to go get the truck and some shovels, and we'll just..."

"_**HAYATE**_!" Fate and Nanoha snapped in unison.

"Ugh. Fine, fine..." Hayate muttered, pulling out her cellphone and hit a button. "Hello, police? Yeah, it's me again... yes, I do have you on speed-dial, it's not funny anymore since it became true, so you can stop joking about it. Yeah, just a little minor accid- yes, it was Shari again. Yes, someone is dead. No, it's only Due. Due... you know, from Scaglietti Bros.? Blonde, tall, murderer? You should send someone over here as soon as you can. And can you make sure it's not... _them_? Yes, I know that I don't get to request specific officers, but I'm begging here. Please? Come on. My day has been rough enough without..."

"_Everybody, stand back! We're here... for **crime**_." A painfully familiar voice shouted through a megaphone.

"Oh, God dammit." Hayate muttered, hanging up her phone. "I'm not even off the phone yet. Do those people just camp at the front entrance and wait for me to call something in?"

Two men, one green-haired and one brown, both wearing (for some reason) white formal suits, strolled towards the assembled women. They were followed (again, for some reason) nearly eighty uniformed police officers. "Ladies." The green haired man said, holding up his badge as he did so. "Inspector Verossa Acous. CCU."

"We know who you are. We see you every other week." Hayate said.

"Inspector Vice Granscenic. CCU." The brown haired man said, likewise holding his badge up and putting down his megaphone.

"Oh for the love of... you used to work here! You don't need to introduce yourself!" Hayate said. Really, did they have to do this _every time_?

"Together, we are..." the two men, in a single smooth motion, slid their badges into their front pockets and whipped out sunglasses, which they then donned. All of the nearly eighty men they'd brought with them followed suit. "... Acous and Granscenic: _Circus Police._"

"I hate you so much." Hayate said.

"Well, well, well... if it isn't Hayate Yagami. You're looking as beautiful as ever... and as devious." Verossa said, as if she'd not spoken. "Once again, your circus is a hotbed of deceit and corruption. It's true what they say... the loveliest rose hides the cruelest thorns."

"Rossa. Honestly. You know I didn't do anything." Hayate said exasperatedly. "Have I ever once been found guilty of anything? It's just we have a rather... accident-prone chief engineer and mechanic. Nothing sinister."

"That..." Vice interjected. "Will be for _investigation_ to decide."

"_Police_ investigation." Verossa confirmed.

Hayate sighed and rubbed her temples again. The migraine was not getting better. "God, man. I eat dinner with you and your sister once a week. We're practically family. You _know_ this isn't my fault."

"Bring forth..." Verossa said, once again as if she'd not spoken, "The Crime Scene Investigator!"

"_Yes sir_!" The unnecessarily large Circus Crimes Unit said in unison, splitting down the middle to form two columns of men in a curiously choreographed-looking maneuver. A lightly built man with long blond hair in a white lab coat came strolling down the center.

"All right, I'm here, let's... oh, hey, girls." Yuuno Scrya said. "Long time no see."

"It's been five days." Nanoha said sadly.

"... that, unfortunately, is a pretty long time for this circus to go without an accident." Yuuno said dryly. "Okay, let's get this site cordoned off and I'll start my investigation..."

"Ah-hem!" Verossa cleared his throat meaningfully.

"... yes, inspector?" Yuuno asked.

"You didn't do it." Vice said.

"... do I have to?" Yuuno asked sadly. "It's so humiliating..."

"Yes, you have to!" Verossa said. "If you don't do it, we can't set the proper atmosphere!"

Yuuno sighed. "Fine, fine." He slipped his glasses into one pocket and took a pair of shades out of another. "Yuuno Scrya... Crime Scene Investigator! Reporting..." At this point he paused to don the sunglasses in a smooth motion, "...for _justice_."

Verossa nodded in approval. "Much better."

"You guys do realize this is the reason that I'm the only CSI who will work with you, right? Stuff like this." Yuuno grumbled.

"Dammit, man, don't give me your wild theories! I need _facts_!" Verossa said.

"_Police_ facts!" Vice confirmed.

"I should have become a librarian..." Yuuno muttered, unpacking his kit.

* * *

"Noooooooo!" Quattro screamed. "Not Due! She was my idol! My world! Everything I ever wanted to be!"

"Which one was Due again...?" Agito whispered.

"Uncertain. They all sort of blend together after awhile." Zest replied.

"Her beauty. Her grace. Her total and utter disregard for human life." Quattro said wistfully. "My fondest wish was to one day be just like her."

"Due always loved you too, sister. She often said how callous and sadistic you were." Cinque said, patting Quattro on the back.

"I think you're actually a little worse than her, really." Nove said consolingly.

"I'm sure that she died peacefully in the knowledge that you were still here to carry in her place. I bet right now she's looking up at you and smiling." Wendi added.

Quattro wiped a tear from her eye and smiled shakily. "T-thanks. You guys always know just how to cheer me up."

"Yes... we shall all miss our fallen comrade, Due." Jail said. This got an enthusiastic 'yes!' from Quattro, a sort of nervous 'um... yeah...' from most of the other Numbers, and caused Agito, Zest, and Lutecia to very carefully avoid looking anyone in the eyes. "But at the moment, what matters even more is the implication of her demise. You see, your sister was lost to us at the performance facilities of Hayate Yagami and her Circus Force Six."

"Ah. Then they're stronger than we anticipated." Tre said, nodding her comprehension. "We'll have to move up our schedule."

"Yes. All of you are more than ready to play your parts, but the stage is not yet prepared." Jail acknowledged. "We must find some way to speed up the excavation before Yagami begins probing further into our activities."

"Why play nice with them?" Nove asked. "We don't need that thing to wipe them off the map! I want blood."

"Nove!" Jail said sharply, cutting off her tirade. "We are not common thugs, to wander over and engage in some _brawl_. We are performers! It would be an insult to our profession to resort to such crude measures."

"... ... ... ... but didn't you send Due over to do exactly that?" Nove asked in deep confusion.

"Yes. But the difference is that I had _her_ registered at the Performers Association as 'Due's blood-curdling murder show, for adult audiences only'. You'd be shocked how little attention they pay to their paperwork over there, honestly." Jail said mildly. "So _she_ could go over and just murder them, but the _rest_ of you can't. We have to be civilized about this. We can't kill them all until _after_ our plan is completed."

Quattro smiled and raised her hand. "So we need to either speed up our work, or distract them? I... might have an idea."

* * *

"All right. I'll need to perform an autopsy to know the exact spot struck, but she very clearly died of severe tissue damage to the heart. Some kind of... and I feel insane for saying this... focused, directed energy that struck her in the chest and..."

"Ah-HEM!" Verossa and Vice loudly cleared their throats.

"... oh, come on. Do I have to?" Yuuno groaned.

"Yes!"

"Fine, fine..." Yuuno said. He took off his sunglasses. "It looks like this case of heartburn..." At this point, he slipped them back on for no obvious reason, ".. was _lethal_."

"**Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah**!" Someone shouted at the top of their lungs.

Hayate sighed. "Officer Jenkins still screams that whenever anyone makes a pun at a crime scene, I see?"

"He really loves clever wordplay." Verossa confirmed.

"Hi, miss Yagami!" Officer Jenkins said, waving.

"Hi, Jenkins." The circus workers said unenthusiastically.

"Look, Mr. Acous..." Nanoha began.

"Oh, Nanoha. We're friends. Call me Mr. _Inspector_ Acous." Verossa said jovially.

"... yeah. What are you people going to do about my daughter, is what I actually need to know." Nanoha said.

"Well, she is a minor. And this woman was trespassing. Further, the victim was armed and clearly intended to do harm to someone at this site, most likely your daughter. That much is obvious from even the most cursory examination of the situation." Yuuno said. "I think it's safe to say that Vivio..."

"... will have the book thrown at her!" Verossa declared.

"_What_?" Vivio squeaked.

"Very clever of you to alter the crime scene, Miss Yagami." The green-haired inspector continued. "But the eye of the law sees through your deceptions. Vivio Takamachi will be arrested... for murder."

"... you can't be serious." Hayate said bluntly.

"Hmmmm... well, perhaps we could arrange leniency in her sentencing. For old times' sake. Shall we discuss the situation further... over dinner?"

"Careful, man. She might use her feminine wiles to tempt you for her diabolical aims." Vice warned.

"Don't worry... I've dealt with this _femme fatale_ in the past. I know all her tricks." Verossa said. "Well... except the ones that require a more... intimate association. Those ones she hasn't tried. _Yet_."

"... ... ... ..." Hayate said.

Fate raised her hand. "You want me to...?"

"Do it."

Fate reached into her pocket and pulled out her own cell phone, dialing in a few numbers. "Hello? Yes, I'd like to speak to Chief Inspector Harlaown? Tell him it's his sister, Fate. ... ... ... Chrono? Hiiiiii, big brother! Yeah, we have a minor problem. Yes, it was Shari again, yeah... I know that, of course, but she's very tricky. All right... all right... listen, what I really needed to talk to you about is Verossa. Eh? Yes, he still does the sunglasses thing... and the choreographed police thing... and the one-liner thing, yes. Yuuno looks very annoyed. But the main thing is, it seems he's trying to arrest your niece for murder so he can date Hayate. What should I tell him?" After listening for a short while to the voice on the line, Fate said, "Thanks a lot, big brother. I'll see you... hmmmm... I'm free Thursday, we should meet for lunch, talk for awhile. Bring pictures of the kids, I haven't seen them in ages. Okay, love ya, bye!"

Fate hung up her phone, turned to Verossa, and said, "Big brother says if you don't stop being an idiot and listen to the CSI's analysis, he's going to slash your budget."

Vice smirked and wagged his finger at her. "Sorry, but justice knows no poverty. Even if we're reduced to rags, we'll continue to pursue it with vigor and passion!"

"That includes the budget for hiring way too many people so you can look impressive." Fate said.

"Ugh... j-justice doesn't need to look impressive. Substance is more important than style..."

"_And_ the budget for new sunglasses."

The silence was palpable.

"I think," Verossa said softly. "That young Vivio there is a fine, outstanding young lady and this was all a complete accident. I also think that the laser used in this death was perfectly legal, and that no charges will be brought against any of you. Please have the young miss Takamachi stop by the station... at her convenience... to deliver a statement, and then you won't hear from us again. It will take an hour, at most."

Hayate smiled warmly. "Very nice. What a respectful and charming officer you are! I'll see you for dinner Saturday, say hi to Carim."

"Saturday? Try twenty-five to life!" A new, feminine voice said.

A woman in glasses, dressed in a business suit and with her long brown hair flowing freely down her back, strode purposefully past the pointless flock of police officers.

"Oh. Wonderful. New problems." Hayate said dryly. "Look, we have this all sorted out, it was an accident, and..."

"I'll be the judge of that!" The woman said, flashing a badge. "Agent Fourington. _Interpol_. The victim was a wanted criminal for a series of perfectly executed, magnificently artistic murders across a series of five countries that she graced with her presence, which means this case is _my_ jurisdiction, now."

"Eh? You think you can just stride in here with your fancy badge and take over? This is _my_ crime scene!" Verossa protested.

Quattr- I mean, 'Agent Fourington' took off her glasses... and slipped on a pair of shades. "Not anymore, it's not."

Verossa winced. "Ouch. Sorry, everyone, she makes a convincing argument."

"... I hate you so much." Yuuno said.

"I'll need all the data you've gathered, I'll need clearance for my own specialists... and most of all, I need everyone at this circus to be considered a suspect and remanded into my immediate custody." Agent Quattro said slipping off her shades. "And I'll need it now. Just because this is a circus..."

The shades went back on.

"... Doesn't mean I'm _clowning around_."

"**_Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah_**!"

"Really not the time, Jenkins."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven:**

"'We have to do the right thing', you said." Hayate said bitterly, sitting in her prison cell. "'We have to call the proper authorities', you said."

"How was I supposed to know it would turn out like this?" Nanoha asked defensively.

"I wanted to dump the body in the woods. Nobody would have ever found her." Hayate said. "We could have chopped it up, dug some holes..."

"I'd have carried the shovel." Vita said.

"Vita would have carried the shovel!" Hayate repeated.

"Once? Some guy tried to rob the snack stand, and I hit him in the knees with a shovel." Vita said proudly.

"And _that _is why I keep you on the payroll." Hayate said, patting her on the head. "Because you are an _idea woman_. Not like the dual Ms. Goody-two Shoes over there."

"Hey, this is as much your fault as ours." Fate said. "Verossa is _your _friend. If he hadn't broken like cheap glass the first time that Interpol agent made a bad pun, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess." '

'This mess' was, in fact, the communal holding cell in the Cranagan City Woman's Penitentiary. The majority of the circus staff was currently crammed into the structure. This actually sort of made them happy (well, it made _most _of them happy. Erio was _very _annoyed that nobody had bothered to take him to a prison for men) because they took up the whole cell, and this meant that _real _criminals were being held elsewhere while they were all processed. Some of the performers wouldn't have been safe around hardened felons, after all. The poor felons might have gotten seriously wounded.

Nanoha nodded in agreement with Fate's assessment. "_And _you're the one who hired Shari, don't forget. It was her lunacy that really started the whole problem."

Shari pouted. She wasn't just pouting because of the accusation; she was still in a strait jacket, which she didn't really like. So she had multiple reasons to pout, is my point. "Hey, all I did was make a laser cannon. It's not my fault that Vivio murdered somebody with it!"

"_You told me it shot water!_" Vivio wailed.

"And it was an accident in any event! All she did was point it and push the button, she wasn't aiming it anyone and she certainly didn't _murder _anyone!" Fate protested, pulling her daughter into a comforting hug.

"Yeah, at most it was involuntary manslaughter. They'll only put her away for like, ten years." Vita agreed.

"_Waaaaaaaaaah!" _Vivio said.

"They're not putting her away for ten years." A new voice said, entering the room. "They're not putting her away at _all, _if I have anything to say about it."

Fate let out a sigh of relief. "Big brother, thank God. Could you please clear this up?"

Chrono Harlaown, Cranagan City's chief of police, strode into the room, which was a great source of hope. He was flanked on either side by Verossa and Vice, which did not provide much hope but was... well, not _bad. _There were worse people who could have been following him. They weren't wearing sunglasses, possibly as punishment.

"Believe me, I'm trying." Chrono said. "Unfortunately, my efforts are complicated somewhat by the fact that, well, you actually _did _kill this woman."

"... well, yes, but not on _purpose_." Hayate said defensively. "Besides, it's only Due. It's not like anybody really cares."

"_I care_!" A furious feminine voice screeched.

Chrono sighed in annoyance. "Oh. Look. She's here too."

Agent Fourington, who absolutely was not Quattro, strode angrily into the room. "Really, Miss Yagami! Must you disrespect the dead so?"

"... why do you care? Weren't you trying to arrest her for her many, many brutal murders?" Hayate asked.

"Well, yes, but that doesn't mean I didn't respect her!" Agent Quattrington said. "It doesn't mean I didn't admire her tenacity! Her intelligence! Her effortless grace and beauty! Indeed, to know her _was _to love her, whether she your enemy or your beloved older sister."

Nanoha blinked a few times. "Older sist-" She began.

"That was just a randomly chosen example!" Agent Disguised-Quattro said. "She certainly wasn't _my _sister, no sir! Just another criminal I had to bring in... not that I ever would have succeeded, given how cunning and ruthless she was. Far too amazing to ever be brought down by _dolts _like the _law_. No... no, only the cruel caprices of God could lay her low. Only sheer, blind luck... luck in the hands of an _idiot child, _no less. To die in such an undignified manner, slain by a loathesome little brat who didn't deserve to be in the same country as her, much less end her distinguished career. And that brat will pay for what she's done. She will _pay._"

"... ... ..." Everyone else in the room said.

"Um... sorry, went off on a tangent there." Agent Barely-even-bothering-at-all said. "Where was I?"

"Honestly not sure." Chrono admitted.

Fate raised her hand. "Er... Agent Fourington? Not to put too fine a point on it, but would you happen to be Quattro in disguise?"

"We just ask because you really, _really _seem like Quattro in disguise." Nanoha said.

"... wait, disguise? What disguise?" Vita asked. "I thought that it was a given that she's Quattro."

"I don't know who this 'Quattro' is, though she sounds brilliant and gorgeous." Agent Liar said. "I am merely here as a representative of corrupt, decadent human law."

"Okay, yes, she's Quattro." Teana chimed in. "Does anybody here think she _isn't _Quattro?"

Subaru raised her hand.

"... _put your hand down before I smack you._" Tea said coldly.

"I just didn't think I should go along with the crowd, that's all. Peer pressure is bad." Subaru said sheepishly.

"She does have a little Quattro around the eyes." Shamal said hesitantly.

"Quattro." Signum said.

"... _why _am I in woman's prison? Zafira got to go to prison for men, so why not me?" Erio asked. Caro patted him on the back consolingly.

"Chrono, recent debate in the cell here seems to indicate that we're pretty sure Agent Fourington is a plant." Hayate said.

"Be that as it may, I'm afraid all of her identification checked out." Chrono said.

Verossa chimed in, "And she also has sunglasses."

"Of _justice_." Vice agreed.

Chrono winced, as if briefly overcome by a long-time pain. "Yes. Yes, she does." He said through gritted teeth. "Look, I personally agree with you all, but her clearances all checked out and the mayor is... ::sigh::... a huge fan of puns, so I've been instructed to give her my full cooperation. I suppose it's possible that she's somehow managed to infiltrate Interpol... though that's incredibly unlikely..."

"As unlikely as a man using advanced cybernetic implants and illegal genetic engineering to spice up his _circus acts?_" Hayate muttered bitterly. "God, I hate that guy."

"But until I get word from Interpol stating that she's not who she says she is, I've got to play along." Chrono finished.

"Fortunately, I am who I say I am. Just a common agent serving the meaningless laws of the lowly human animals." Agent Quattro Literally Means Four, It's Really Not Even A Good Pseudonym said. "Totally innocent."

"... I'm sure." Chrono said dryly. "Now, if it's not too much trouble, might you explain why you're actually here?"

"Ah! That's right. I came to tell you that my experts have finished analyzing the crime scene."

Verossa looked at his watch. "Really? It's only been like, thirty minutes, and twenty of those were getting all these people back to the station. I mean, that's really not enough time to finish..."

"_My experts have finished analyzing the crime scene._" Agent Fouringliar said meaningfully. "Haven't you, experts?"

As if on cue... well, okay, not 'as if', just on cue, three women entered the room to flank Agent Totally-Not-A-Villain.

Vivio's breath caught in her throat.

"Oh, crap." Nanoha said, recognizing _that _reaction and immediately spotting the source. All three women were wearing formal business attire like Agent Yes, That Is Quattro, up to and including the glasses for whatever reason. Two of the three women were redheads, but one of them had a long mane of purple hair that anyone who'd ever seen a poster for Scaglietti Bros. circus would instantly recognize.

"These are my personal panel of experts." Agent I'm Sick of Thinking Up Funny Things to Put Here said. She motioned to her panel of 'experts'. "Agent Wendolyn Evelen, my crime scene analyst."

"Yo, hi!" Wendi said.

"Agent Nina McBeef, head of prisoner transport."

"_McBeef?" _Nove snarled. "You gave me the last name _McBeef?"_

_"_What do you mean, Nina? Clearly that is your name that nobody gave to you?" Quattro said, smiling warmly.

"But it sounds so stupid! What kind of a lame fake name is that?"

Quattro's smiled grew rather strained. "One that's appropriate to the _dumb cow _who can't remember _not to say things like 'fake name'!_"

"It's all right. You're fooling precisely nobody." Hayate said.

"Why are they talking about fake names?" Verossa asked.

"Nobody worth fooling." Hayate corrected herself.

"I still say that's a crap name. How come Wendi gets the good name?" Nove sulked. Wendi smacked her upside the head. "Ow! What was that for!"

"You're breaking character, stupid!" She chided. "You gotta remember to stay cool, like me!"

Teana blinked a few times. "You know, this is actually morbidly interesting. It's like watching a trainwreck that just keeps rewinding itself and then wrecking again."

"Why are they talking about fake names?" Subaru asked.

"... ... ..." Teana said. "I'd explain it to you, but I don't think I could keep the venom out of my voice and then I'd feel like I was kicking a puppy."

"There's a puppy?" Subaru asked, eyes gleaming.

Teana tried her hardest not to cry.

"And finally," Agent Fourington said, continuing her introductions, "My staff psychiatrist, Doctor Veronica Klondike."

_"_Her too_? _How come I'm the only one whose fake name sucks?" Nove snapped. She then said, "Ow!" as Wendi cuffed her on the back of the head again.

"Good afternoon." Lutecia said, her eyes firmly fixed on Vivio. "I'm here to examine the suspects' state of mind in relation to this crime... I'm especially looking forward to speaking with the young miss Takamachi. I... conducted my graduate thesis on clown psychology. It was very interesting... paradoxically, many clowns are far more seriously devoted to their craft than less comedic professions. Serious, bitter rivalries can form between clowns of comparable skill, even if they've never met. They just... naturally seek to undo one another, to prove that they are the funnier. Neither can rest while the other still performs. Do you know what I mean... Vivio Takamachi?" Lutecia said meaningfully. Her voice was soft, almost intimate, and yet laced with the unmistakable air of challenge.

"Flurgle glfooah." Vivio said, her face going as red as her eye. She couldn't help it... she could smell Lutecia's perfume, she could see the way her hair spilled over her shoulders, she was _looking her right in the eyes. _And Vivio was making a fool of herself, she _knew _she was making a fool of herself, but the part of her brain that handled conscious thought was currently in second place to the part of her brain that handled spazzing out.

"... ... ... excuse me?" Lutecia asked. She wasn't quite certain what response she'd been expecting to her veiled challenge... fear, anger, confidence. But it certainly wasn't... whatever the heck this was. "Are you feeling all right?"

Oh, God. Lutecia seemed _worried about her. _Well, that was the last straw, wasn't it? Her mind exploding in some combination of joy and terror, Vivio fainted.

"I honestly wish I could say I didn't see that coming." Nanoha said. "Okay, this isn't so bad; that time Caro dressed up like Lutecia for Halloween as a prank, Vivio only got out half that many nonsense syllables. Somebody help me elevate her head, and if we could get some water..."

Fate, assured that her daughter was in good hands, looked at her brother pleadingly. "Chrono... about these... individuals."

CHrono sighed sadly. "Yes, yes, I know. Ladies, while I'm sure _all _of your identification and credentials check out, I don't suppose you could be helpful and show me some sign that you're all actually affiliated with law enforcement."

The three women took off their pointless glasses... and...

Chrono, seeing where this was going, sighed again. "Dammit."

... put on shades.

"They look like law enforcement to me." Verossa said approvingly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight:**

Lutecia… I'm sorry, 'Dr. Veronica Klondike' sat down across the table from Vivio. "Now, as you are a minor, I have allowed your mother to be here."

"And also because she's still totally incoherent." Nanoha said bluntly, propping Vivio up so the girl wouldn't fall over and hurt herself. The combination of Lutecia's clownish aura of power and Vivio's painfully obvious and enormous crush had left the girl a complete mess. Nanoha had managed to get her... sorta... conscious again, but she was still completely useless for anything but spouting nonsense.

"… yes, that also." Lutecia admitted. "Now, I will show you a series of images, and you tell me what each one makes you think of. Do you understand?"

"She is _passed out_. She _cannot hear you_." Nanoha said.

"Very well, let us begin." Lutecia said, totally ignoring her. She held up a picture of a butterfly.

"Lguauu…" Vivio said.

"Thought of killing baby seals. Suspect displays an almost pathological need to inflict pain on others…" Lutecia said, jotting down some notes onto her clipboard.

"Eh? She didn't say any of that, why are you writing that down?" Nanoha asked.

"I'm not writing anything down." Lutecia said, writing something down.

"Yes you are, I can see you."

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. Now, Vivio, what do you think of this picture?" Lutecia asked, holding up an image of a kitten cuddling with a bunny.

"Ffjajllla..." Vivio said.

"Image made her want to burn down a hospital. Suspect may be incapable of feeling empathy for other human beings..."

"She didn't say that! Stop writing!"

"I'm not writing anything." Lutecia said, jotting down some final notes.

"I don't like you." Nanoha said, eyes narrowed.

"Suspect's mother displays open murderous intent, brags about the time she kidnapped and ate a dozen orphans. Clearly this sociopathic behavior is genetic..." Lutecia said, continuing to jot down notes.

"We're not even related by blood!"

"New hypothesis; clearly this sociopathic behavior is linked to how the suspect was raised, and most likely routinely abused, by the horrible monster I see before me..."

"Vivio? Please wake up soon. I begin to suspect this interrogation may be rigged against us."

"Suspect's mother is incapable of trusting another human being, in keeping with the other warning signs that mark her as a homicidal madwoman..." Lutecia said.

* * *

"So... um... in my... m-my..." Nove said, blushing furiously. "... I... my... um... p-professional... professional..."

It had been going so well, until now. They had all successfully (for a certain value of 'success') managed to infiltrate local law enforcement. They had Yagami and her circus successfully imprisoned, where they couldn't interfere with the Doc's plan. They had the oh-so-dangerous clown helplessly in Lutecia's clutches (it helped in that case that Vivio had obligingly decided to do nothing but spout nonsense and drool). Then, however, the time had come to commence the actual framing and make sure that Yagami's stay in prison lasted for the rest of her life.

Quattro had done just fine. But then it was time for Nove and Wendi to play their parts, and Quattro had learned something about her sisters: they couldn't act their way out of a wet paper bag.

Quattro rubbed her temples to fight off the headache. "Opinion! The word you're looking for is 'opinion'!" she snapped.

"Right, right, my professional opinion. Um... uh... that girl... who's-her-face, she did it. On purpose. And you all... you helped." Nove said weakly.

Chrono clapped slowly. "Wow. That's just... wow. You're clearly the cutting edge of law enforcement. Tell me, what evidence brought you to this conclusion, Agent McBeef? Or are we just working on a gut feeling, here?"

"... ... ... ... ... ... ..." Nove said, freezing up like a deer in the headlights.

Wendi smacked her upside the head. "Dummy, you're doing it all wrong! Here, watch me." She cleared her throat.

"_GATHER_! And I shall tell you now, a story of crime _most foul_." Wendi said, throwing her hands dramatically into the air for emphasis.

"Oh, God..." Quattro said.

"Yea, and the victim, an innocent, harmless young lady, enter into yon den of inequity, seeking only to see the pleasures of the circus, as any girl would." Wendi proclaimed grandiosely. "But upon her arrival, found only the black abyss of _evil_."

It should be noticed that she pronounced that last word 'e-veel'. In fact, she seemed to be over-pronouncing a lot of words, and probably using more elaborate gestures than relating a crime scene strictly required.

"Are we really listening to her...? She's treating this like a high school production of one of Shakespeare's more annoying plays." Teana said.

"Oh, just let her finish. She's only going to put on sunglasses if you don't." Chrono said.

"And YET!" Wendi screamed, probably for dramatic emphasis, "The girl sought only to escape, thinking of her desperate need to survive and see once again her boyfriend, Marco the poor busboy working to support his ailing mother, and her kitten Bootsie."

"... wait, what?" half the people in the room said, including both of Wendi's sisters.

"Idiot, this isn't an improv! Stick to the scrip... er, the crime scene report!" Quattro said.

"But what if they want to know the victim's backstory? Supporting cast are important. They flesh out the character via their interactions." Wendi said.

"She doesn't need to be 'fleshed out', she was a real person!"

"Are you sure? 'Cause I had this great scene where she gets home to find Bootsie is sick, and she can't afford a vet so Marco steals a diamond necklace from their rich neighbor, and..."

"_Just say what happened at the frickin' circus_!" Quattro shrieked.

"Really. Nobody cares." Teana agreed. She sounded a little shocked that she agreed with Quattro, but also seemed to be learning to live with it.

"Is... is Bootsie going to be okay?" Subaru asked, tears in her eyes.

"And what about Marco? If his crime is discovered, what will he do? He can't afford a lawyer with his mother's medical bills to pay!" Verossa said.

Teana and Chrono looked at each other, with a look that said, without words, 'I know your pain, and I share in it'. "Should... should we even bother?" Chrono asked.

"I think it would probably be a waste of time." Teana said sadly. "Just let them stay off in their own little worlds. Most likely they're happier that way anyhow."

"Fair enough. Miss Evelen, please continue." Chrono said.

"Very well!" Wendi said, snapping instantly back into drama mode. "She walked from tent to tent, each new step bringing with it new horrors... horrible, monstrous beasts!" She snapped, pointing at Caro the animal tamer.

"My babies are very well behaved!" The little pink girl protested.

"Heartless killers!" She continued, pointing at Vita.

"Hey, I don't kill anyone! Hospitalize, sure, but..."

"Twisted, vile experiments in mad science!" Wendi went on, pointing at Shari.

"Hard to argue with that one." Hayate admitted, clamping her hand down on Shari's mouth before she could make things worse by being herself.

"And then... just when she believed that she was doomed, she saw the greatest horror of them all: a child, trapped among this den of horrors. _Trapped_, and all alone!" Wendi said dramatically. "Her heart filled with love for her fellow man..."

"HA!" Most of the room (including, notably, Nove) said.

"... she went to rescue this poor, innocent child. Yet only then did the 'helpless child' reveal herself a viper in disguise. For she too was a member of this Circus of Terror, and when our kindhearted victim picked her up... the horrible devil-child drove home the cruel knife into her heart, a smirk of wicked glee upon her deceptively angelic face. And that... was how this crime occurred, gentle viewers."

"... 'gentle viewers'?" Teana asked dryly.

Chrono rubbed his temples. "I'm going to give you five minutes," He said coldly, "To spot what is wrong with your story. If it takes you the whole five minutes, something is very wrong with you."

"Eh? Did I do something..." Wendi began.

"_Due wasn't killed with a knife, you moron_. _**She was the one holding the knife**_." Quattro hissed, murder in her eyes.

"... can I start over?" Wendi asked. "Because I think I was going pretty good up until that last part."

* * *

Nanoha began to seriously wonder if maybe Verossa wasn't a better indicator of the general quality of this town's police force than Chrono was.

So far, Lutecia's 'simple image test' had declared Vivio to be a Murdering Thieving Rapist Sociopathic Arsonist, (and possibly a Vampire). This in spite of the fact that Vivio had not actually answered any of the questions. And Nanoha's request for assistance against this clearly biased test had resulted in the attending officer proclaiming that 'Psychological mumbo-jumbo' was best left 'to the brains', and walking out. It had taken all of Nanoha's willpower not to smash the man's teeth down his throat, but that would have only helped confirm Lutecia's analysis of _her_ as a Psychotic Drug-addicted Child-abusing Cannibal (and possibly a Witch, further tests would be required to be certain and no ducks were currently available).

So yeah, things were not going well.

"All right, next image." Lutecia said, holding up the next card. "What do you think of this?"

Nanoha braced herself for two things; Vivio sputtering nonsense, and the urge to crush Lutecia's face.

"It's wrong." Vivio said.

Both Nanoha and Lutecia reacted as though they'd been bitten. The two women instantly turned their eyes to the card that had finally, finally provoked a reaction from the non-responsive girl, to see an image of a brightly dressed clown, holding a bunch of balloons and handing them out to children.

"It's wrong. His shoes are too small, everyone knows they need to extend a minimum to 1.5 feet beyond the edge of the toes. His makeup is unsymmetrical. His wig is the wrong color to off-set the polkadots on his shirt, Clowns should have clashing color schemes to draw more attention to them." Vivio said. Bizarrely, her eyes still looked distinctly unfocussed; it was as if she was speaking without actually waking up. "His rubber nose is too small for his face. His pants aren't baggy enough, they don't offer sufficient hiding places for props. And those balloons! Helium balloons, really? Just round? What self-respecting clown doesn't even make balloon animals?"

It was bizarre, to Nanoha's eyes. As Vivio got angrier and angrier, she seemed to grow in both size and in brightness, becoming somehow more defined against the room. Lutecia, on the other hand, seemed to shrink, to fade into the background. The only part of her that still seemed distinctive was her face; her exposed skin had gone from 'white' to 'ghostly', and her eyes were quite obviously filled with genuine fear.

"Why would you show me this? Why would you even have this image?" Vivio demanded. "You, of all people, should know what an _insult_ this is! How could you possibly expose a fellow clown to this... this _mockery_?"

"... Vivio, clowns are supposed to mock things..." Nanoha felt compelled to state.

"In their _acts_, mother, yes. But this... this is a mockery of clowndom itself! She has spat on the essence of 'clown', and she... she, an elite clown, a clown among clowns, should have known better! How dare you, Lutecia Alphine? How _dare_ you?" Vivio snapped.

"I... I'm sorry, I..." Lutecia stammered, before standing up and running out of the room. She ran down the halls, shoving past confused police officers, tears... tears!... running from her eyes. _What was... what just happened_? She thought, when she was again capable of conscious thought. Just the sight of the girl had filled her entire being with terror. So overwhelming was the child's aura of clownish rage that Lutecia would have been on her knees praying for mercy had she stayed in that room a second longer. Lutecia was a clown of unsurpassed skill, raised and shaped to be one for years. How had she been overcome so easily?

And why, now that she was away from that all-consuming presence, was the thing she felt most not fear, but... sheer, simple awe?

* * *

Back in the interrogation room, Vivio stood before the empty space where Lutecia had once been, solemn and silent. Her presence alone seemed to make the mostly empty room feel somehow crowded, as though it were an ancient pharaoh's crypt, heavy with the weight of history and reverence. When she finally moved, after nearly an entire agonizing minute, it was to pick up the sub-par portrait of a clown and tear it in half. She looked at the next portrait in the stack and said, in the same imperious tone she had used to chastise Lutecia, "The next image is a horsie. It is nice."

"... yes. Yes it is." Nanoha said, not quite certain what else to say.

"I like the braid in the tail." Vivio said.


End file.
